chickidea

sounddesignerjeans:

Start teaching your kids not to rape. Yes, you.

Let me tell you a story.

My mother is an ex-smoker. She grew up in a household that smoked a lot, and it was something they passed on to her. Then I came along, and the consequences of her actions hit her. If she kept smoking, it wouldn’t just be her dying of cancer at 50. It would be me, too.

And so she stopped. She always said it was one of the hardest things she ever did, but she quit and hasn’t touched a cigarette since. And as any former religious fanatic or elitist atheist will tell you, no one’s more vocally against a sin than someone who used to commit it. Growing up, I got a constant anti-smoking PSA. I don’t mean I woke up in the morning bombarded by lectures, but my mother made clear that smoking is disgusting and bad for you and that she regretted ever doing it. She gave me blunt, honest information about smoking and how it can damage and affect you. Most importantly, she didn’t treat it like something I would never even consider doing. Instead, she taught me never to consider doing it. And when the day came that someone offered me a smoke, I said no.

My point in telling you this story is this: if you actively teach your child something is wrong, they are much less likely to do it. They might still do the wrong thing when the time comes, but they are much less likely, and they deserve if nothing else to understand the magnitude of their actions. I’m not saying lecture your four-year-old about the evils of sexual assault. But find helpful, age-appropriate ways to raise your child to think critically about consent. Talk to her about that scene in the movie you just saw where a man kissed a woman he had just been fighting with and it was treated like no big deal. When he’s old enough, tell your son about how your friend was coerced into having sex with his girlfriend more than he wanted to, and how he still has trouble being intimate as a result (with your friend’s permission, of course). And most importantly, don’t pretend like your child is an innocent angel who couldn’t ever sexually assault anyone.

Children are born never dreaming of doing something wrong. But you have to teach them what’s wrong for them to be able to follow through.